Sunday, April 25, 2010

It was the time for our last good bye !

As she disconnected from me
without telling a reason,
without a hint of what went wrong
Leaving me bewildered & wondering in agony

I was sure we could work things out
whatever they were, with minor adjustments
I could change myself completely for her
I could have gone extra miles for setting things right
As I always knew I was not the perfect one for her

But I knew deep within, that this was not the reason,
a reason she preferred not to reveal
But I know for sure there was some other reason
a reason beyond my awareness,
a reason she never wanted me to know

I knew without a doubt that she could never be unfaithful
just fighting hard to accept her destiny as mine.   
probably it was an obligation
a compromise included in her destiny
But I know she could never have never been unfaithful to me

As she went ahead
She turned to look at me one last time
With tears in her eyes, & a trembling smile
Telling the obvious truth
It was not her choice to depart
But the result of embracing her destiny
I wish I could her hug her for one last time
as she kissed goodbye from a distance apart

For the miles we walked together seemed infinitesimally small
there was still a long way ahead, in the wonderland of our dreams
in the beautiful & abundant life
in the life awaiting to make our dreams come true

My heart was sealed for her
I thought of none except her
The faith & trust which kept our love alive
I know, i can never love anyone that way
As our love was most pure & eternal

With her gone & with unwilling desire to move on
I just have one small wish left.
I just wish her pain reduces
Suppressing the wish, she could be mine again
to live the promises we made long before
which seem to now disappear in vain

I know you will not return baby
I know we can never be together again
But I will keep waiting for you now & for ever
You can find me at cross roads where we separated
I will be there until the end of time waiting for you to return
Coz that’s the only thing which makes sense
In this life which is meaningless without you.

I know you can never be mine
Still I refuse to accept this reality
For what’s left after this
Is a sense of void without even a silly hope of your return?

The last flower from you will wither in my book
though the memories of our time together will remain afresh in my heart
there is nothing other than memories to move on in life
rather feels to move backward to relive the moments we were together.
Just once again.

I feel so cold inside
Missing all the warmth of love & care within
For there are only memories to recall
The ones to cherish for the remaining lifetime

Sometime’s life is bit unfair
Depriving small aspirations too,
For all the love we shared , I think destiny was more than generous
But this is just not the way I wanted it to end

I wish she could be mine forever,
Hopefully I could run into her in next lifetime
Hope she recognizes me then
For I will the same as I am now
Her mad lover boy. 
Loving her more than anything else.
I will miss you deeply, deep within my hearts

Amidst all these thoughts, as I realize the obvious truth
I feel a sense a soothing, a relaxed breadth in eternal bliss
For I know for sure that our destiny is not written separately
within no time, we shall be together
high up in the sky, just like a binary star
I will be yours & you will be mine

Pyar ke rahon mein chalna tumne sikhaya....
Pyar ke haseen ehsaason ke sapne sajana tumne sikhaya....
Zindagi ke najane kis ajeeb mod pe, jab tum chal diye apne raaste, tanha hum reh gaye...
Tere intezaar mein hum khade hai unhe raahon mein, jahan hum judaa ho gaye.....


PS: the situation is lady love departing from his lover, owing to her some unknown obligation in her life, the concept in last stanza is based on thought somewhere i read in a book or saw in a movie that "when a person dies, they become a star" So i extended it to lovers i.e binary stars(close stars revolving around each other, bound together by gravity or love in this case :-) Ya somewhere had to bring the amateur astronomy touch & feel to this post as well :-))

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Missing childhood !

I wanna feel young again  
I wanna play in the rain
to wash away all the pain
to relive the innocence once again

for the youth that doesn't make sense anymore
for the lost dreams in life's obligations
for the compromises made with oneself for making life seem alright
for living life right from other’s perspective.
for all the sacrifices done which feel worthless now,
for all the such things & many more, was the pleasure gained worth the pain ?   
i just wanna be myself, to relive the innocence of childhood,
to hug to my mom every time I am scared.
I wanna feel young again,

I wanna fly the paper aeroplanes from roof of my house,
I wanna maneuver the paper boat in the rain water lanes
I wanna run in the garden, catching butterflies
I wanna fly my kite high in the sky 
for the life in 20's something, nothing seems to be in my control,
only a desperate feelings to take control of things all around me
which seems to fall apart..
I wanna feel kid once again…

I wanna carelessly ride my bicycle
knowing dad 's always there to lift me up when I fall
I wanna jump around doing nothing all the day
As I know, just can’t do it anymore,

I just wanna return to the childhood innocence once again,
to feel the bliss of being a care-free naughty kid !

I wanna return to that life where all the small things created excitement. Eating from tiffin boxes of friends, getting new compass box, taking something interesting to class everyday like pencil, stickers, toy, magnet, a new key chain etc. I am struck with blackberry & apple organizing my daily activities on them, I just wanna return to time when I could just simply eat them. There was a time I could play F1 sitting on the floor whole day with all my toy cars. I just wanna pretend crying for no reason at all & mom consoling me for hours taking me in her lap. I just wanna live life once again, Amen !

Oh Childhood can you come just once again please !  

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Whacky quotes !

These are random thoughts ran across my mind & told & retold among friends mostly in sky watching trips in coorg, siddarabetta etc...

> My aspiration of my life "to witness a miracle, to see supernova & a black hole eating it simultaneously"

> "I want to see Milky Way horizon to horizon with mountains & oceans everywhere"

> "I increased my extent of averted vision to such an extent that i looked out of the eyepiece"

> "Damn Akarsh for creating enthusiasm to such an extent, i could see horse head nebulae with naked eye, in whatever white patch of light i saw, missing on the actual one really" 

> Akarsh: What is IIA's telescope, Is it a Maksutov or RCX or Schmidt Cassegrain? 
Sunil:  Oh No No, its dark blue one

> Akarsh: IIA scope is coma free
Sunil: so can we put that in front of yours 17.5 in series so that we can see coma free view...

> Overdose of observing galaxies on lack of bed sheets: 

Some guy to some guy: you can share my bed sheet
Sunil:  well, you can sleep on him, face on or edge, or just irregularly since bed sheet was really small one.

> Akarsh: these wires are all tangled, 
> Sunil: well, let’s see if your string theory helps to unwind that, if it does not for such a     simple thing, how the hell it will explain universe? 
> Akarsh: can u see a triangle?
Me: even if I am not applying permutations & combinations, i can see at least 20    triangles!

> Couldn’t find better time & place to test law of inertia? 
Keethi's scope : all carried & threw it on ground on siddarbetta obs site in night....all      carried & put it back into van morning, 
Scope was there only without getting assembled. Proved!  

>   Ravi did a sleeping marathon in siddarbetta observation session; he was awake like      for 15 mins, rest 18 hrs slept in van. He definitely needed a bed for Messier Marathom!! 

Sometimes i wonder there just aren't enough stars ! 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

On dimensions…

                     As promised in the overview of what my blog was all about, about everything in life being mystery etc, really try to look at things differently around you & you will discover wonderful aspects & gain amazing understanding about the unexplored nature of normal mundane things which we are unaware of almost all the times
       We are living in 3 dimensions of space & one dimension of time. The 3 dimensions are length, breadth & height. The time has forward & backward direction. The forward is marked by the increase in entropy, yes this is the important criteria which distinguishes forward passage of time. Whatever you do, contributes to increase in entropy, the rate of incease ion entropy may vary but entroy or disorder in universe increases always. Or more generally in this direction of time, the causes precede the effects in any event. Coming to spatial dimension, starting with a point, has no dimensions at all, no length breadth etc. A string has one dimension. It has length only, an ant can move forward backward, of course ant is 3 dimensional organisms, but just ignoring this fact for simplicity in understanding. What do we mean by one dimension is we need one parameter to locate a point i.e the length parameter, considering some point as fixed or popularly called origin. A 2 dimensional space is popularly called in Flatland. You can be a line square or rectangle or any favorite geometrical 2 dimensional shape you may like. Why organisms really cannot exist in flatland is described by Stephen hawking in his book Brief history of time as the food canal & the excretory system which should be essentially present in a living organism will divide the body into two. Hence the existence of two dimensional organisms is ruled out. We need two parameters length & breadth to specify a point’s location in such a space. The Cartesian coordinate system or polar coordinate systems are just different ways to identify the location of point.  
               Coming to the most familiar one, the 3 dimensional space which we live our lives & see the universe is most essential one for sustaining life as organisms cant obviously exist in one dimension or flatland. Now, the easiest way to imagine 4th dimension of space is imagine I lock you in a room & come outside. & you happen to find way to come outside & surprise me outside the room. Assuming the exaggeration that there may be many ways you can come out, one possibility is through 4th dimension. The room is a cube taking 3 parameters length, breadth & height essentially to define the position of a point. A 4 dimensional cube is called a tesseract or hypercube. It becomes more & more difficult for human mind to comprehend dimensions with the increase in dimensions as we have not seen or experienced them. This would essentially have a extra direction perpendicular to all three axis length, breadth & height axis. As a 3D object like cube casts a 2d shadow on a plane, we can expect the hypercube to cast a 3D shadow, with its 3 D structure visible in 3D completely, but one part extending out in 4th dimension which we cannot see or touch or feel but easily mathematically comprehensible.
         The most popular theory Big Bang theory states that our universe sub-plank length smaller than about 10 to the power (-35) m. So, Can I say that universe started as zero dimension, an infinitesimally small point. The space itself came into existence after big bang. So universe evolved into 3 dimensional spaces as we see it today & perhaps more dimensions which we don’t see.  Scientists explain this observation in a weirs way. If you see a water pipe from a distance it appears as a line segment, but actually if you go near & observe it’s a 3 dimensional object with water flowing inside it. So here in this example the 3rd dimension is curved & on itself & cannot be inferred when seen form a distance. Similarly 4th & higher dimensions may exhibit similar characteristics. Imagine the universe existed as a flatland & it’s curved say in form a sphere etc, then a flatland creature would travel from a point & reach same point if he kept traveling. So space is finite & unbounded. Similarly extending this same idea to 3 dimensional space, it can be curved in on itself i.e if you stary traveling in space marking the initial point & travel faster as we know the universe is quite big, after infinite time you may reach the same point where you just started the quest. Then the universe is finite & bounded. Now, the interesting part is what makes universe bend onto itself, matter as we know is ion large quantities to bend space time continuum onto itself. If quantity of matter is not more than some threshold value, then space is open & non bounded & infinite.        
Various paradoxes emerge when we are conceptualizing such things. In fact there was an interesting article in ‘New Scientist’ which said that instead of sphere, universe could be shape of funnel. If you are at the extreme tip of the funnel you could see back of your own head. If you throw a catapult fast enough, assuming universe is finite & bounded then instead of returning to you it may come & hit you at back of your head. 

     This wrapped onto itself universe actually coincides with the observable universe. All galaxies are moving from each other, the farther they are apart they seem to be moving at faster rate from each other. Just like dots when you are blowing up a balloon. 

to be continued...

Sometimes i wonder there just aren't enough stars. . . 


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